moominmuppet

So I was on short-term disability for the unending migraine for three weeks. During that, I almost never opened a laptop, and only posted intermittently from my phone, which is easier to do over on FB. Here's the sum total of what I put up over that time, for those who want a catch-up:


August 22nd:
Been going commando vast majority of past 25 years. Only actually own underwear now for doctor's appts and kink value, and that amounts to about five pair (that I actually had to go buy for that express purpose). As a result, I have to write notes to myself reminding me if I need it, am inordinately pleased with myself when I actually remember to leave the house wearing it, but as a side-effect feel insufferably kinky and crotch-focused the entire time. It makes me giggle. Also, makes me horny.

I've been trimming my nails obsessively. This is pretty much always a direct indicator of my libido. *evil grin*

August 23rd:
I hate how much I feel like Harrison Bergeron when the migraine gets bad. *thinkythinkythinkySTABthinkythinkythinkySTAB*

Massive grocery shop with Liv, cupboards overflow. Holly made vegetarian enchiladas that were awesome, been hanging out with Jer, Bec, Liv, Caleb, Holly and Grafton, just waiting for Chad to get home from Kidlet time. I love my household.
And that doesn't even get to the critters; currently Spike against my shoulder and Tarma asleep on my foot. Ringo has been extra friendly, too. Incidental cuddles with the rest, of course.

August 24th:
Woke up to help Chad off to work, feeling a bit of energy and motivation, and the migraine is really low at the moment, so I've been doing chores. Rearranged midyard to destroy mosquito breeding areas, did a second dog poo sweep, took out some last trash and recycling, have laundry ready to go and compostables outside, just need to do final floor sweep in the bedroom for Kidlet. Also got to meet new neighbor at the daycare center next door. Our neighbors on all sides are now officially AWESOME! Her name is Molly and she was a hippy and I totally dig her. Yay! Wonderful replacement for the nasty and gratuitously hostile woman who used to rent there. Between her and our new neighbors on the other side I feel quite surrounded by awesome people. I am thoroughly happy. Do need to remember to have one of the housemates-with-a-car to swing by Independence to pick up my short-term disability paperwork though. Still no end in sight with the migraine. It waxes, it wanes, it never truly leaves. I'm hitting 'nonfunctional' a couple times a day, on average. All in all, could be worse. I have health insurance and disability insurance and an awesome boss who's got my back.

August 25th:
Playing around with setting up my replacement phone (why are the home and the menu button reversed from my last phone? Why? Argh.) Mostly loving it, and having fun getting my apps reinstalled, and finding new ones. Android-users, what are your indispensable apps? Any toddler apps to recommend specifically?

Not the greatest day overall but we fit in some good stuff nonetheless. Bubble play and fun although then I crashed out for six hours due to meds and migraine nastiness (bad day today, so I lost a lot of kidlet time; boo!) Tomorrow we're aiming for going to observe the local taiko class. Kidlet should dig that.

August 29th:
Fyi, did not get hit by bus. Will likely be mostly offline for a while longer. On short term disability atm, but mostly ok except for navigating hr and dr appt stress and crap and some other major stuff. More at some point.
Comments: massage was good, mile and a half walk to massage sucked donkey balls.
most of that was scenic winding .7 mile driveway that screams "we dont give a shit about folks on public transit"
also "we havent a clue that folks with chronic health probs are more likely to be poor and on rta"
although i did see a fence-hopping shortcut once i got up to the building, finally. good news, since thats supposed to be our new office locatioon next year.

August 30th:
Ok, so where to start? Apologies for grammar and typos, writing on my phone on a train.

Med stuff first I think. Still have the unending migraine, although I think its gradually improving. Stuck experimenting on myself, though. GP has referred me out to specialists, specialists can't see me til between mid september and mid october (neurology, endocrinology, psych). Need to function at work well before then. Although it shouldn't be the case, suspect more and more that trileptal is the culprit. Headache not listed as side effect in any official lit, and it should actually help, and is often prescribed as a migraine preventative in fact. But out of other options I started experimenting, and dropping the dose seems to be helping. Paradoxical reaction perhaps? My best working guess atm. Am continuing to taper off to see if I can get functional again for work by next Sunday. This sucks, since it was helping with the mania and I'll be free-floating moodwise at least until sept 17 when I finally see main campus intake nurse in adult psych. Oh, whee. So irritated with the whole system. Also deeply irritated and stressed by dealing with hr about disability stuff. I have as many rants as I've made phone calls, but I'll spare you those. Suffice to say I deal badly with condescending snippy assholes who won't answer my questions having my worklife and ability to support myself in their hands. Trying to deal with it when my brain won't actually work right stresses me out massively, and there have been many tears. At this point though, I have short-term disability through the 8th, return to work on 9th. I'm also now fibro flaring a good bit from that stress and other in my life atm. Can work through that at least, though. Just need my brain back and to stop reacting like a stunned deer to any loud noise. I feel almost guilty that my overall brain pain levels are getting lower and I'm being able to be pretty highly functional _as long as I can control the stimuli and take breaks when it gets bad_. Unfortunately, that is exactly what I can't realistically do at work. So I'm getting stuff done, was able to help chad with some unexpected childcare needs this week, am able to follow through on a promised visit to jen in albany (which is why I'm on a train right now). Instead of being totally migraine flattened a few times a day, I can often navigate through. I can even find a good bit of happiness and joy. Just can't do monitors, can't do headsets, can't handle multiple streams of stimuli like is the unavoidable norm at work. I lose words, I think slowly, I can't imagine 8 hours of people yelling in my ears and staticky bad connections while I try to troubleshoot. And that scares the hell out of me. Neurology appt isn't til october 3, although I'm on the cancellation list.

Also, was unexpectedly full-time daycare for Kidlet this week for several days. Survived, and we did lots of cool stuff I'll share sooner or later, but it's kind of heart-breaking to try to explain chronic pain to a three year old who just wants to be a normal bouncy loud kid. I've had to do it before some, when flaring, but having to explain over and over again that Sarah's head isn't better yet, and he can't bounce on me, or play cymbals, or yell, or use the awesome lightup noisemaking lightsaber I got him, that's hard. So, I think that's the med update in a nutshell (a big nutshell. The ostrich egg of the nutshell world.)

Brightness Toggle Widget by droid-maniacom. Godsend.

Sitting in the snack bar car of the train, two guys a few tables away earnestly discussing prosyletizing for young earth creationism. My brain is likely to explode for entirely non-migraine reasons if I dont leave soon. I know it'd be pointless, but almost wish they'd try on me so I can ask them to give up all the benefits of the sciences that depend on an old earth evolutionary perspective. Like riding this train, running on fossil fuels due to geology. *rage* I wouldn't care if it was just their own ignorant view, but they're actively trying to infect others with their ignorance and it just depresses the hell out of me. (and again here, I'll assume likes are to the rant, not the horrifying well-meaning idiocy)

Just finished a lovely lunch in the dining car with a sweet older couple traveling recreationally. The hour of mental focus for coherent conversation above the background noise has sent me running for meds though. Ow. Enjoyable and tasty though, so worth a bit of ow.

Will work for art. (from a conversation with Chad about how he could thank me, I asked if he'd get me the two prints I wanted on Sunday at the gallery). Incidentally, has also been determined recently that i'll work for bubblegum ice cream, too.

FYI: chronic pain? Go train. The much greater seat space than planes and busses and cars is really good, as is ability to walk up and down the whole place to stretch out and switch between types of seating. And not too many overloud announcements either (looking at you, airports.)
[On chemical sensitivities] I suspect much better. More space means more fresh air to dissipate crap. I haven't had problems, but if seatmate was wearing something foul I could at least switch cars and sit in the snack or dining or observation car to escape.
Bigger, better, more adjustable seating than other transit too. Full recliner seats with legrest, not just footrest, lots of legroom, and seem a good bit wider, too. I'll try to grab a pic before i go.

Pics and commentary:
Also, scenic view is scenic. Especially if you've seen the interstate version too often and want a change.
Did I mention the electrical outlets? Yaaaay! (When do I get a check from Amtrak for all this advertising?)
Leg room! my foot isnt on floor fyi, its on back of seat in front of me above actual foot rest. Im 5 7 with moderately long legs for my build, for reference.
Amtrak: seat fully reclined and extended.
Treasure box, inside!
Didn't post in last batch. View from chad's folks' place. Peaceful.
Treasure box! [for Kidlet]
One of our craft projects the other day. [Dragon puppet made of foam paper]
The artist invited Kidlet to ride this. I really liked his paintings anyway, but that definitely factored into the incipient sale of several prints (working on teaching Kidlet you only touch art with the artist's permission, and instruments with the musician's). Artist is Gadi Zamir, if you're curious.

September 1:
*sigh* stress dreams about being back at work and unable to handle it. on the positive side, lots of outgrown toys from jen's kids to bring home to kidlet!

I do love having 'godchildren' in my life, but as an atheist, I don't entirely love that language for describing them.suggestions? (the only person I'm truly swore-oaths-in-front-of-a-god-I-then-believed-in godparent to is my 11-years-younger brother matt, actually). Regardless of what language I use, though, it's my Godfather Tony who is my major role-model in this regard with all the special kids in my life. They're the kids I have a lifelong commitment to, who will always have safety and welcome with me no matter what. actually that's pretty much true for all my friends' children, but I especially mean Kidlet, viv, alarick, savannah, brandyn, rio, and madeline, even though brandyn, savannah, and rio aren't really kids anymore.

Nightmares about work and functionality again during the nap I desperately needed. Boo. Migraine is still here, but I think I'm improving overall. Won't really know how much until back in an overheated environment with multiple stimuli I can't control though, so still feeling really stressy about it.

September 2nd:
Argh! Damned phone just ate my post. Inside on the laptop for a sec to rewrite it, then back out to the fire.

Really enjoying the time with Jen and the kids, but missing home and household and Chad. It's been a rough day emotionally; weird dreams about one old friendship, nostalgia and sorrow over another, really feeling the drop in the psych meds (a last ditch effort to try to identify cause of the migraine problem this month). Also household and financial stresses that I'm not home to help handle (not that a couple days in the end of the world on any, or that I could do much in the moment beyond what I can do from here, but it's the feeling, you know?), and more of the continuing medical stress, not helped by the migraine being worse today (which bothers me less for the pain than for the fear about what it signifies for my immediate future).

On the positive side, I'm slowly improving moodwise. I'm sitting out by the fire watching Jen and Brooke play with firespinning techniques, and Jen and I had some good conversations about our respective health issues and disability concerns. She's currently working almost exclusively disability law, so it's good perspective. We're also a good team, in that we're broken in sort of complementary ways, and I can help her out here with the ways in which I'm still pretty unbroken, so I don't feel totally useless and depressed. It's been a good weekend that way, and I've gotten a lot done to take some stress off her, which is pretty much the highlight of my life at the moment. We're talking about the idea of finally making it back out to some festivals, even, someday, if we team up to navigate our health stuff together. I've had to bail on that sort of thing more and more over the years; I don't even recall the last one I went to. And I miss it, every time G leaves for a Rainbow Family or Burn event.

And I can't recall what I've updated recently, but I did have the appointment with the Chronic Pain Intensive Outpatient Program that I've been hoping like mad to get into. Good news, I'm in, and it's exactly what I think I need -- 3-4 weeks of 8-hour a day programming, physical therapy, occupational therapy, counseling, med adjustments, multiple different types of non-medication-based pain relief including biofeedback, the works. Goal is to improve life quality and functionality as much as humanly possible by taking a hugely multifaceted approach with an integrated team. Yes, please! *WANT*

Bad news, not in until after everything else is as stabilized as possible with psych, endocrinology and neurology. First of those preliminary appts isn't til Sept 17 (psych intake), last preliminary one isn't even until mid-October (endocrinology). My appt with the headache clinic isn't even until October 3rd, although I'm on the cancellation list. Don't know how long it'll take to count as "stabilized" with any of those, but my forecast is that it'll be end of this year or beginning of next before I actually get to start that chronic pain program. No help for immediate issues. At all. I get the logic, but ARGH.

Right now my major hopes with work are for the migraine to magically respond to something or other than I'm trying in terms of modifications, or for my ADA accommodation paperwork to come through (although I think my short term disability has, ironically, put the ADA paperwork on hold until after I return). Otherwise I'll just have to see what happens and sink or swim. I have longer in short term and long term disability insurance, if my doctor approves it, but I really don't want to have to use it. Especially when October is hell-month in the office, but even just in general, I can't afford that kind of hit to my overall income (the insurance only pays a certain percentage of my normal income). Blarg. OK, really didn't mean to get myself all wrapped up in this right now when it's supposed to be a nice relaxing evening. Going back to the fire now.

http://headaches.about.com/od/clusterheadaches/a/mushrooms_lsd.htm
Friends locked for obvious reasons. I've followed research on hallucinogens since my college days, when it was a primary academic and personal interest. There's been sparse but increasingly interesting research in the migraine/cluster arena in recent years. If it becomes available I'll definitely be doing personal research on this specific avenue, given my complete comfort with the drug. If I do, I'll post results in a locked update.
‎*nodnod* In an ideal society with sensible attitudes and laws would've tried it early on in this whole mess, not be looking into it as a last-ditch possibility. *grump*
Really hate the lack of research and the hassles of talking to most of the medical community about either this or medical marijuana (with the fibro primarily there). So many stupid unsupported kneejerk responses though. *doublegrump*
From extensive "personal research", I can say that neither lsd nor psilocybin are particularly problematic for me in terms of the psych stuff. If anything, they tend to be rather beneficially "brain-resetting". So frustrating working with folks in the psych field on any of this, though. Unless they have a strong personal interest in that area of under-researched possibilities, they tend toward highly conservative and rather knee-jerk responses based in old and debunked info from when they were in school (mostly "drugs + crazy people = badness" -- unless, of course, it's the drugs that we're currently ok with having people take and that aren't all culturally complicated by recreational uses. *eyeroll*) And as a crazy person, people tend to look at you like you're, well, crazy if you want to have any serious and nuanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages to those classes of drugs. Of course, all is further screwed by that lack of robust research due to legality bullshit. It means we get a lot of fascinating teaser results, things that look maybe possibly promising, and very little followup to see if it bears out or not.
All of this applies at least as much to the issue of medical marijuana and fibro, too. *doublegrump*
Random articles: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=psychedelics-may-help-treat-depression
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/blog/2010/sep/01/psychedelic-drugs-mental-illness
http://www.psychointegrator.com/2009/11/cannabis-improves-cognitive-functioning-in-bipolar-disorder/
http://www.maps.org/
FWIW, I'm so passionate about this partly because psychopharmacology and specifically the psychedelic class have been a major academic and personal interest going back to college days. I've been following the research (such as it is) closely ever since then, and it just makes me choke that we're still so sucktastic at seriously and rationally evaluating the risks and benefits of these drugs. Especially when you rationally compare relative risk profiles between these and many of the meds we hand out like candy (I say as the daughter of a bipolar mother who now has diabetes, liver damage, and neurological damage from various "approved" treatments over the years -- I'm terrified of ending up in the same boat, and I can quote chapter and verse on the physical safety of lsd, psilocybin, and marijuana in comparison). It's all just stupid. Dumb, dumb, dumb. *headdesk*
Couldn't agree more on all of this. It's not risk-free, and requires a sensible and eyes-open approach. Didn't mean to rant at you; it's one of my standard drop-of-a-hat rant topics.

September 3rd:
Have I mentioned recently how much I dig Temple Grandin's perspective? Listening to Animals Make Us Human after talking to Viv about her earlier.

Also, hanging out with Deena's bunnies. I haven't had a pet rabbit since I was a teen, and it's fun and fascinating to hang out with such different critters than my own, especially while listening to analysis of animal psychology and emotion.

Goodies for Kidlet! So excited! Just look at that dino! Just look! (Even better stuff actually in the boxes)

Thinking today of the dystopia in which we'd live without the decades and decades of blood, sweat, and tears of the labor movement. Special shout-out to Kenyon's unionized workers, still fighting the fight for the next generation. I love you all!

So, reasonably sure at this point the trileptal's not to blame. Tapered off the cymbalta pretty recently though, and next experiment will be going back on the lowest dose to see if it could be withdrawal syndrome from that, even though we did it slowly and sensibly. Hate having to try that instead of waiting it out, but running out of time and options.

We miss you, Howard. Zinn: A reinvigorated labor movement needed for social upheaval

36 reasons why you should thank a union

Timeline of labor issues and events - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Pet peeve: "people and animals, and possibly birds..." argh! Temple, you must know better! Birds are animals and you meant mammals. (People mix this up all the time, and it irks me like the vulva/vagina thing - I expect better of her)

September 5th:
Critters and Housemates and Chad, oh my! I am HOME!
Also starving, and chad is generously making me 5am dinner. And tomorrow is all just rest and grownup time with chad; he took the day off to spend with me!
Have accomplished nekkidness, food, and Doctor Who. All is right with the world.

Ringo must explore the goodies. This box is dress-up clothes and stuffed animals, along with a few of the transformers and star wars and my little pony. Oh, and roller skates for a bit down the road. And a kite. And an awesome frog umbrella. Trying to decide which items to set aside for later.

September 7th:
Just talked to AwesomesauceBoss about coming back Sunday. It's apparently a Move weekend so not quite as low-stress as I was hoping, but I'm feeling hopeful about it, and like things have eased up enough migraine-wise that I can manage. Boss is ordering glare-guards for my new monitors, I'm going to bring my fan, and the fluorescents over my desk have been disabled for ages, at a previous request. I think I'm at a point where I can manage with meds and be pretty functional. And I'm tired of the constant stress of navigating hr mazes. I think work is lower stress than persistent worry. Also, Boss is making a call to see if he can move up my initial neurology appt!

Cloaxia: Cloacas for Women

September 8th:
It's a Kidlet weekend and a new cat weekend! Sebastian is Chad's cat, and Kidlet's mom asked if we could take him. He's elderly and known for being crabby but is doing really well so far; even slept right next to Tarma on the bed last night.

New cat Sebastian is doing wonderfully, even coping with Tarma sleeping in the room! We're prepared, given his history, but so far no pee problems at all. We're still keeping him separated from other cats, since I suspect the issue was territoriality over litter boxes. He's elderly and low-energy, so my bedroom seems enough for him at the moment. We'll gradually work on other critter introductions. Tarma's an easy start: she's a big well-meaning gallumph who is curious but not barky-and-chasing, so she moves in slow and backs off when cats hiss. Ringo is similarly helpful in introducing new dogs to cats, actually. Cat-to-cat is the trickiest.

September 9th:
Finally back at work! Going well so far, although Sundays are generally our quietest days, so I'll have a better sense after I survive at least one Monday. Also a new work schedule going around, and it has 4/10 options! I've got enough seniority to get one, although it means shifting back to days. Right now I think that's fine in my life though. It'd give me weekends free for Chad and Kidlet, and it'd give me a weekday free for doctors' appointments and patient-instructing and such.
4/10 has always been easier for me, since it allows me more recuperation days without missing work, and it's easier for me to med up for one longer day than two shorter days.

Informational Picket on Middle Path 8-28-12

Clevelanders, heads up! I got mine this weekend. Be aware it is NO LONGER POSTAGE PAID to return the request for absentee ballot.
"Absentee ballot applications were supposed to go in the mail today. If you do not receive yours next week, and you plan to vote absentee, contact your Board of Elections by phone or online to get an application. At the same time you can make sure that you are registered at your current address. Voting is your right!"

After a campaign by BiNet USA and bisexuals worldwide, Google has removed "bisexual" from its list of banned words.

September 10th:
Chad is awesome. Fried potatoes and fried eggs. Yum!

Best Sebastian pic so far!

Introduced Ringo to Sebastian for the first time. Just 2-3 minutes, but it went well as it did with Spike. Some sniffing, a bit of raised hackles on both sides, but only mild and intermittent. No aggression from either side.

I'm so wound-up/nervous about first real weekday back at work that I've been up since 8am. I'm dressed and ready and twitchy 3 hours early. Not actually a virtue when my shift doesn't end til 11:30pm. On the other hand, I'm wearing fuzzy toe-socks. How bad a day could it be?

Important Ohio-specific voter information!
You don’t want a provisional ballot, so don’t make them give you one

Heads up; call for presenters at Transcending Boundaries!
"Posting this for my friends at the Transcending Boundaries Conference. Please contact them for more information:
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Call for Intersex Presenters!
The conference is just 2 months away and we are putting together some exciting events for this year. October 26, the first day of our conference, is also Intersex Day of Awareness. At 11 am we will have a brief ceremony to acknowledge the struggles of intersex members of our community and the work we must all do to raise awareness about issues affecting them. We would love to have members of our community who are intersex participate in the ceremony, perhaps by speaking about their experiences, contributing writing to be read, making videos to be viewed ect... be creative!
To discuss, please contact [email protected]."

Broken oven experiment of the morning: deep-fried cinnamon rolls from a can. Not bad, but really not as good as you might hope. (waiting on the part to arrive so I can find out if I'm capable of home oven repair. I hope so; I'm hungry.)